Where Do We Go From Here?
by StarbucksOD22
Summary: Spoilers for Duets. Brittany is still hurt, and Santana is left alone to try to figure out her next move, asking herself "Where do we go from here?"
1. Chapter 1

[DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to own the characters, Glee, etc. etc. Also, SPOILERS for Duets (episode 2.04) so if you don't want to know anything yet don't read :) ]

It's been two weeks. I apologized to Brittany countless times, and she's still sitting across the choir room from me. I can't believe that I, Santana Lopez, have been begging someone to talk to me. That's not me at all. But it's Brittany. Brittany makes me do stupid things, things that are most definitely not me. She's staring blankly at Mr. Schue; she's gotten really good at ignoring me. When we were younger, she would last about an hour before coming back to talk to me. She just could never stay mad at me until now, and it was driving me crazy. I need to hear her voice for some stupid reason.

I subtly pick another seat closer to her. I can see her lips moving. If I can just hear her voice, even if she's not speaking to me exactly, maybe it will make this tight feeling in my chest go away.

Brittany is singing the song she wanted us to sing for a duet softly. Some burning sensation begins to prickle hotly in the back of my eyes, and it feels like someone is squeezing my lungs so painfully that I want to yell. For the first time ever, I get up and walk out of Glee practice, tears falling slowly down my face. Brittany doesn't follow me. As soon as I get to the parking lot, to the relative safety of my car, I start crying for real. It serves me no purpose other than to piss me off.

I wait for a few minutes. Just to see if Brittany will come see what's wrong, but she doesn't. Not even a shadow passes by the back door of the school. I twist the key in the ignition and drive away.

My house is dark, and I climb the stairs to my bedroom to shuffle under the covers. I really hurt Brittany. Somewhere inside, I hate myself for it. She's like the only person I have, the one who is like the literal other half of me. I'm all mean and sour, she's nice and sweet. I desperately need her because without her, I'm imbalanced, evil… All for what?

So I didn't want to sing a duet with her. I wanted to win, where's the shame in that? But… I didn't want her to do a duet with anyone else. Then I heard she slept with Artie, and it made me mad. I knew that I was being utterly ridiculous because I had been doing the same thing with Puck. But she's Brittany. She's different. She makes me crazy, makes me do things that aren't like me at all.

I remember that night when I got mad at her while we were making out. Her face… I had to keep my face turned away so I couldn't see what I'd done to her.

The ghost of her fingers trailing over my back makes me shiver unpleasantly, sadly. I shove the headphones into my ears to drown out this world that I had myself created. Somewhere in between self-pity and loneliness, I fall asleep and create a world where Brittany's here, her pinky intertwined with my own and her warmth against my side.

It's three am when I finally wake up; I'd been dreaming Brittany was tossing small plastic ducks against my window. The reality of the situation is I'm still alone. I can see the lights of her bedroom on from across our small yard. I'd always been glad the windows of our rooms were facing each other's and not the street, but now it hurt. She's dancing gracefully, her shadow swaying among the sheer light-colored curtains. I miss being in her room and watching her dance more than I miss us talking about stupid things. Her cat climbs on the windowsill and stares blankly at me before disappearing back in. Brittany peeks through her curtains before turning out her light and climbing in to bed.

I want to be in there with her.

"Come to my window," I say to the dark, still Lima night. She doesn't come. I didn't expect she would.


	2. Chapter 2

[DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to own the characters, Glee, etc. etc. Also, SPOILERS for Duets (episode 2.04) so if you don't want to know anything yet don't read :) ]

With yesterday still fresh in my mind, I slushied half of the student body before first period. Artie, having made up and forgiven Brittany, wheels around with her to lunch. I don't want to sit with the other Cheerios today, minus Quinn who still hasn't forgiven me either. It has been the longest week of my life. Quinn shoots me a look from across the cafeteria, and somewhere in the back of my mind, I recognize the feeling of hurt before I turn around with my apple and leave. But not before I hear Brittany's voice drifting through the atmosphere. That hurts worse.

I sit in Glee practice by myself again, Mercedes and Kurt eyeing me nervously like at any moment I was going to pull a string and dump gallons of slushie on everyone there. I stare straight ahead. Brittany's sitting on the other side of Kurt whispering about rainbows and a new outfit design for our next number. My fists clench on my knees as Mr. Schue walks in and begins practice.

"Today we're going to be teaming up!" he says excitedly, clapping his hands together. A feeling of dread is forming in my stomach; I don't want this. He pulls out a hat from behind his back and drops little slips of paper into it. "Time to let the fates decide again!"

Rachel and Quinn end up paired together. Rachel looks nervously at her boyfriend to try to convince Mr. Schue otherwise. Finn shrugs and pulls out his partner's name. Mike. Tina gets paired with Mercedes; Kurt is talking to Sam excitedly about what he wanted to do. Brittany walks up to the hat and pulls out a name.

"Santana," she says dejectedly. A piece of my heart crumbles. "Mr. Schue, I don't want to be paired with her."

"The fates have spoken, Brittany," he shrugs and motions for Artie to practice with him while Puck is still in juvie.

She walks up to me and repeats her feelings on our pairing. It's so hard for me to meet her blue eyes. I look down; I think she knows how much I hurt when she does stuff like this because she sighs as pulls me to sit by her in a chair. My heart is thudding, and I really can't tell if it's the proximity of being this close to Brittany or if it's fear. I miss her so much. Everyone else has been whispering behind my back because I haven't been outspoken and bitchy lately. Just cruel and quiet.

"What do you want to do?" she asks me softly, uncaringly. My heart lurches.

"Come to My Window," I say. She shakes her head.

"No, I don't want to do that one with you, Santana."

"Why not?" I demand, getting angry.

That's when she throws my words back in my face. I've never her to be so angry before, but she still is. The blank expression, the empty eyes, as she says those words to me, tell me just how pissed she is, how hurt.

"Because I'm not in love with you," she whispers.

I can't breathe. I don't know why the world is blurry. I don't know why people are gasping, and I don't know why Brittany has her hand on me, her blurry face swirling concernedly in front of my eyes.

"San," she breathes out in distress.

I push my fingertips into my cheek and feel the scalding hot droplets sliding down. I'm crying in front of everyone, and I don't even have the energy to be pissed off about that.

"Santana," Brittany repeats softly, her own voice wavering slightly. She reaches out to touch my face; I can't take it anymore. I stand up suddenly, knocking over a chair as I back up. She stands up too. I shake my head and walk away. Again.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3

[WARNING: Spoilers for Rocky Horror Glee Show! If you don't want to know, you probably don't want to read on :) ]

Brittany actually came to check on me. Well, really she's just standing in our short paved driveway with a confused expression clutching her cell phone. I lift open my window and say her name softly. She looks at me, I mean really looks at me, in that way that makes my heart skip a thousand beats. She shrugs her slim shoulders. I smile for the first time since I made that huge mistake about the stupid duet competition.

"S, can I come up?"

"Of course, B," I whisper, afraid to break the thin veil of newly repaired friendship or whatever we were now.

Brittany climbs skillfully up the side of the house; I think she's Spiderwoman or something most nights she does this. I step back to let her comfortably through. And enough for her to decide how close she wants to be to me right now. She surprises me by wrapping her arms around me, pulling me tight against her. I'm crying for the umpteenth time this week while she's mumbling soft, sweet words that mend what was broken by her absence. Soft lips press against my throat, jaw, temple, forehead, nose.

"You know I-" I begin, but she cuts me off with a chaste kiss to my lips.

"You don't have to say it yet, San," she smiles. "We should watch Finding Nemo again."

We get into our usual position on my bed, her head tucked under my chin, my fingers skimming her back, and watch one of my favorite movies. She quotes Dory because she knows it makes me laugh, and I run my fingers through her hair because I know it makes her happy. And that's the most important thing to me right now. I don't want to screw this up again, I really don't.

I look down to see her beautiful blue eyes fluttering closed.

"Te amo," I whisper to her. She snuggles further into me and wraps her arm over my waist; I don't know if she heard me. She knows anyway, I hope.

I hope.

After watching the crazy counselor give Mr. Schue a heart attack, Britt and I are singing down the hallway, laughing and dancing between lines. She grabs my hand and pulls me away where we engage in our own Touch A Touch A Touch A Touch Me reenactment.

"S," she says as we walk to my car, pinkies intertwined. "Can we go somewhere tonight?"

I look at her and smile as she peels off a duck sticker and puts it on my notebook. "Sure, where'd you have in mind, Britt?"

"Breadsticks…," came the small, slow answer. She pauses in her smoothing down of the sticker to look up timidly at me. I take her pinkie in mine again at the stop sign.

"Of course; we can share the spaghetti," I laugh. B clasps her hands together excitedly and kisses my cheek.

I listen to her singing along to the radio, a soft smile tugging at my lips. I want this to last forever. Glancing at her blonde hair free from her Cheerios pony waving wildly in the wind, her blue eyes sparkling as she sang to her favorite song of the day, I feel my heart flutter away. It doesn't hurt as I give her my heart completely in that moment. I, Santana Lopez, am going to try to not mess this up.


End file.
